Abandoned
by Sassybookmark
Summary: It was only once! He had never, ever called her that word before. Not once. Other muggleborns, of course he had, but that wasn't the same. They weren't her. They weren't Lily That one horrid, terrible, lovely, perfect, entrancing, word. Two syllables, four letters, more pain than Severus could count. For his heart spoke, wept, and bled: Lily. Snape POV oneshot Jily Marauders Era


**Hi Lovelies! As always, all rights belong to J.K. Rowling! I had a sudden surge of inspiration and just typed this all out rapid fire _today. _So please bear with me **

Really now, he should have known it wouldn't last. He should have known from that very first day. She was so excited, so happy, so full of life. Her soul the same vibrant shade as her hair. The hat touched her head for just barely a moment before shouting out:

**GRYFFINDOR!**

Of course, she was. How could she not be? Snape cursed under his breath as he looked back at his naivety. No, his stupidity. _Maybe you'll be in Slytherin with me Lily. _The very notion was ridiculous. Lily Evans was without a doubt, Gryffindor. She was so Gryffindor it hurt. Everything about her. The way she smelled of woodsmoke and cinnamon, the way she laughed till she couldn't breathe, and cried the same way. The way she never backed down from anyone. The way she was so blatantly a target of war, and she wanted to fight anyway.

Severus never understood, never would never could, how she could just _abandon _him. Without another glance. Yes, he'd made a mistake. _A mistake! _He'd apologized, he'd begged, very nearly cried, why? So she could pointedly ignore him? It was only once! He had never, ever called her that word before. Not once. Other muggleborns, of course he had, but that wasn't the same. They weren't _her. _They weren't Lily.

Lily

Lily

_Lily_

That one horrid, terrible, lovely, perfect, entrancing, word. Two syllables, four letters, more pain than Severus could count. For his heart spoke, wept, and bled:

Lily.

He could see her now, just across the great hall. Sitting next to Potter of all people. Except he was James now. He'd been James all year, and the year before. It may have taken all seven years of Hogwarts, but Potter had what he wanted. Lily Evans.

It made Snape sick.

He was always _touching her. _When they walked down the halls, Potter held her hand. When they worked in class, his hand found residence on her should, or her knee, or her back, or wherever he could reach. In the library, she leaned back against him and he nestled his head in the crook of her shoulder as she read. On the grounds, they lay side by side near the great lake, and he plays with her hair. _And she lets him. _When they sit at the table, she nicked food from his plate and he kissed her. _Kissed her. _Right there!Like it was no big deal at all. Merlin why was he always touching her?

Why was she always _letting him?_

Snape stared at the wall beside him, examining the aged stone as Mulicber made crude jokes to an extremely uncomfortable looking Regulus. Then- he didn't know why- perhaps it was the precise sound of footfalls that he knew so well, or otherwise pure instinct, but he looked up quickly and saw five figures making their way down the hall. Copper and fire melded into strands that sprung out of their braided confines, looked small next to the tall jet black that stuck up in every which way. Behind them a masterpiece of scars crisscrossed and stood out white against tanned skin, chatting animatedly with a black leather jacket, and blonde hair that nearly sunk into a too large sweater.

Regulus looked determinedly toward the ground. Mulicber, however, was overjoyed with the new distraction.

Snape watched the group come nearer, Lily leaned into Potter as they walked, turning around to swat playfully at a remark that Black had made, laughing when he caught her hand and twirled her around, then right back into Potters waiting arms. Lupin and Pettigrew watched on with amusement and continued making their way down the hall. This was normal. _Normal. _Snape longed for the time when Lily would never have let Potter speak to her, much less touch her.

"Oi Potter!" Mulicber yelled as soon as they were in range,

Merlin Snape wished he'd stayed in his dorm.

"How's the mudblood? Mind giving me a turn? I wouldn't mind under that skirt! Common! You'll be tossing her out once you get bored anyway!"

The reaction was instantaneous. Lily launched herself out of Potters' grip and had her wand out within a second. Black had his wand out as well, a comforting hand placed on Lily's back, but his eyes were murderous. Lupin had sprung forward to restrain Potter from tearing down the hall to end Mulicber right then and there. Pettigrew hadn't even reached for his wand, but rather had stepped forward and whispered consolingly to Lily.

Lily ignored both of them and walked forward, almost calm if you didn't notice the electricity of the anger that bristled under her skin. Potter tore out of Lupins grip (who had let go anyway once he saw Lily move forward alone) and caught up to her, matching their strides so they stood together.

"Sorry Mulicber," Lily said sweetly, "My skirt has a strict no moron policy." Her voice was pure sugar, but her hands were shaking of rage. She walked slowly toward them, and Snape was thankful, he was sure that Potters determination to stay close to her was the only thing keeping him from ripping them all apart.

Black appeared next to them then, Lupin and Pettigrew close behind, wands drawn.

"Regulus, do you have something to say?" Barked Black, "Or are you just going to stare at the floor like a coward?"

Regulus slowly bought his eyes upward until he was looking at a point just above his brothers' shoulder, refusing to let gray meet gray.

Sirius scoffed. Before turning his attention back to Mulciber, pointing his wand square between his eyes.

"I'd end you right now if I didn't know that that pleasure belongs to James," Black said quietly. Dear Merlin the _arrogance _was astounding. Did he really think of her like that? A prized possession to be treasured and protected by Potter? It was disgusting, wrong, she wasn't Potter's. She didn't belong to him.

_Oh, but she does, _whispered the voice in his mind. _Can't you see it? Are you really that blind? She is his. Dear boy, she practically screams it. Mind, body, and soul, now and forever. His. She was never yours… she could have been, but you-_

"Shut up!" Snape snapped, realizing too late that he'd spoken aloud.

"Ooh feeling testy Snivellus?" Black smirked, "You're right, it was my bad really, the pleasure belongs to dear Evans here. Lily?"

"Gladly"

She stepped closer to Mulciber, her wand level with his throat.

Mulciber gulped but held his sneer steady. "What are you going to do, _mudblood," _he spat

Lily didn't even flinch at the word anymore. Instead she laughed. _Laughed. _Like it was no big deal at all. As if she hadn't abandoned her best friend for the same offense. She lowered her wand slowly and made to turn back around-

-A resounding crack filled the air and Mulciber was clutching his nose. Lily lowered a bloody fist and tucked her wand neatly back into her robes. A satisfied smile on her face, she turned around.

"Stupefy!"

"Protego!" Lupin flicked his wand and turned around to see Regulus with his raised. Black looked as though he'd been slapped, staring slack jawed at his little brother.

"I know where my loyalties lie, Sirius." Regulus said, but his eyes screamed otherwise, darting back and forth across the hall.

Black nodded his head stiffly and turned away from his brother, as though maybe, he'd already said goodbye, a long time ago. A single moment of silence hung in the air, heavy and stone cold. And then everything exploded.

Muliciber aimed his wand at Lily at the same time that Potter leaped in front of her and shouted a "Protego" Snape had shot a stupefy toward lupin which had been dodged and Black shot back with a Furunculus. Pettigrew stood to the back and threw out Protego' s toward his friends as they needed them. Lily immobilized Regulus, unwilling to do much more to the younger Black brother, Potter and Mulciber were locked in a whirlwind of green and red light. Muliciber dodged the stupefy Potter threw at him and aimed, much to everyone's horror, a Crucio toward Lily.

She felt every nerve ending fray and curl in on itself as a white-hot fire enveloped her sense, but only for a moment, as Potter had physically tackled Muliciber to the ground and had him in a chokehold. Black rushed toward Lily and helped her up, making sure Lupin had a steady hold on her before he let go, and very nearly dragged Muliciber out from under James.

"Expelliarmus!" Black reached up and caught the wand that soared toward him.

"Locomotor Mortis! Incarcerous!" Black ropes shot from the end of his wand and curled around Muliciber, who was unable to move. Black marched up to him, face close enough the feel his breath. "Don't you _dare _touch my sister ever again. I will end you myself, no wand needed."

"Snape! Do it! Try it! Now!" Muliciber shouted through blood.

Snape would have been hesitant, but Potter was so arrogant, so ridiculously privileged, so insufferable. And yet, Potter got everything in the end. Everything that mattered. So he raised his wand.

"Sectumsempra."

Potter sank to his knees immediately, and Snape felt a sense of pride as he saw the red spread, first across his white shirt, then the stone floor beneath him. Lily ran to him, and dropped down beside him. Trying desperately, and to no avail, every healing spell she knew, before trying to stem the flow with her own hands, rubbing tears out of her eyes, and smearing his blood onto her face in the process.

Pettigrew came down the corridor then, with a seething Professor McGonagall trailing behind him, breaking into a run when she saw Potter laying in a pool of deep red.

"Hospital wing, _now! _All of you, I will deal with you there. Black, Lupin," she nodded at them and they rushed to pick up their fallen best mate.

Snape sat on one of the beds of the hospital wing, watching Madame Pomfrey bustle around Potter and Lily. She had refused to leave his bedside, no matter the protesting from the older witch. He swallowed the bitter taste in his throat. She never would have stayed with him like that. Never. Potter was coming to at last and Lily looked as though she may start crying all over again. She was so beautiful. Even with puffy eyes and blood covering her hands and clothes.

"Evans," Potter managed to croak out "you stayed."

"Of course," Lily lowered her forehead to his, and a crumpled smile came to her lips, "until the very end."

"Miss Evans, I'm sorry but you have to leave, now. Mr. Potter needs his rest, and as much as you'd like to stay-"

"Try and stop me, with all due respect Madame, I'm not leaving this seat." Lily stared straight at Madame Pomphrey, who sighed and was about to protest, but simply walked around the bed to the other side and instructed Potter to take his potions.

Severus drew the curtains around his bed and lay down, making himself sick listening to Potter and Lily as they spoke. Lily's voice was warm, and gentle, in a way it had never been with him.

"What do you need James," she asked, brushing his hair out of his face

"Evans"

"Potter"

"I love you."

"I love you."

"Marry me?"

Snape couldn't breathe. No, no, no, nonononono, stop. Don't you dare. You can't. Not like this, not here, not now, not ever really. But Oh, Merlin not now. His heart beat fast enough to burst out of his chest.

"You're full of it, Potter," whispered Lily, planting a sound kiss on his lips. "Go to sleep."

Snape felt his breath return, ever so slightly, and he tried to calm his heartrate. He noticed she hadn't said no. She wouldn't say no, one day, he was sure of it, one day soon, Lily had every intention of saying yes to James bloody Potter, and on that day, Snape really would lose it all.

"Well, you can't blame a bloke for trying, eh? I'm sure I look mighty handsome right now, I figured it was worth a shot. C 'mere."

Lily laughed and curled up into the Hospital bed next to Potter, and that's where she fell asleep. In his arms, as though she belonged there.

And she did.

Nearly three months had passed without incident.

Nearly. Now Snape found himself back in the damned hospital bed, and now it was Lily. _Lily, _who was bleeding It was Lily who was pale and weak, from _his _spell. His spell meant for Black.

Bloody Hell.

And just as expected, Potter would never even dream of leaving her alone.

Severus had spent the last few months feeling waiting. Waiting for the break up, for the day Lily Evans decided she was done with James Potter. Or really, he was hoping, irrationally, hoping beyond hope and reason, he waited.

He waited as he saw her crying into his shoulder when it all became too much.

He waited as Potter held her and whispered comfort into her ear.

He waited as she flipped her hand over on her desk to catch Potter's as he sat down.

He waited as Potter held her books for her.

He waited as she bundled herself in Potter's sweatshirt on the chillier days.

He waited.

"James?" Snape heard her voice and sat up

"Evans?"

"I love you."

"I love you, Lily."

"So marry me."

"You didn't even have to ask."

A beat of silence, and Snape felt his heart stop. His heart, a dirty patchwork of stiches that he had applied himself, even if only so it could be torn open again. His heart, that was covered in scars that spelled "Lily" Cuts that bled fiery rays the color of her hair, dents that screamed out for the shaped of her eyes.

After all, his heart spoke, wept, and bled:

Lily.


End file.
